Tuesday, February 05, 2008

The Cure to Loneliness?

Sometimes I get into the mood to reflect on my day to day experiences in life and express outside of the world of my music, my Armenia, and my day to day activities which are nothing less than stimulating, thought provoking and sometimes just plain fun.
I think the older I get the more I seem to understand human psychology – and maybe even though the hardest thing of all is to change yourself – perhaps it is a blessing that we can understand ourselves in the big picture and learn to understand others better.
The more experience I have the more I realize that communication is the key to success. Whether it be to a significant other, a family member, a friend, or even a boss – the outcome of a situation is so much better when things are left unassumed, clarified, explained. Truth can be hurtful, some of us cannot handle hearing what impression we might make on someone else but ultimately understanding that we might be interpreted in certain ways is better than being rejected and never understanding why. I should clarify that rejection is never solely the result of one persons behaviour but rather a misunderstanding or lack of communication in the expectations and feelings between people.
In the past weeks I almost lost someone I considered a best friend and through all that I realized that I underestimated some of the other friends I had who were there for me during some difficult days. The older I get, the more I value friendship over suddenly romantic and often unrealistic relationships. The older I get the more I realize that there is a great beauty in being able to tell someone exactly how you feel (kindly and openly) and that being true to yourself is in fact something that is more admirable. I have also come to realize that relationships simply cannot last unless people are willing to deal with the fact that sometimes life changes our situations and feelings – the pressures in our daily lives can surmount to tensions that we take out on our loved ones because we assume that they will always be there for us. I often wonder why people are so quick to walk away at the first sign of stress or displeasure – and of course society calls these people selfish – selfish that they should only think of their immediate happiness. In some ways I am in agreement but the word I would like to use is not selfish – but rather short-sighted. Selfish is a good word in some ways – because without embracing yourself, loving yourself and being true to who you are you cannot possibly share yourself in a healthy manner with someone else. Selfish and self-centered are very different words. The self-centered person will be completely oblivious to the feelings and needs of someone they are supposed to care about. For instance – everything and every conversation will revolve around them – their achievements, their losses, their feelings, what they want, etc…. The selfish person will be sympathetic, empathetic, and patient with the person that they care about – but ultimately they will not go out of their way to do something that is not true to themselves – that is done out of guilt. They will simply be there without sacrificing themselves. In my beliefs, if there is love in a relationship, if there is communication in a relationship, moments of misunderstanding pass with time, with honesty, with self-love, and patience. Part of that is the need to be selfish (self-loving) but not self-centered. The self-centered person thinks only of their own immediate happiness and has no patience to truly empathise with others emotions, nor the ability to realize that in their obsession to perfect and hone themselves to the standards they deem acceptable, they often sabotage their friendships and complain about being alone. And so – I call it short sightedness. Something it seems my generation suffers from greatly. The ability to stick something out and work through it because it actually takes a bit of work and a bit of patience. Whether it be romantic or non-romantic is not important – what is important is the realization that the meaning of relationships is an exchange. Furthermore, in my opinion, what constitutes long term love is the ability to know that you have worked through the rough times and the happy times with someone - like a team – trusting and knowing that sometimes things will seem impossible but always remembering the reasons you were there in the first place.
Life is a series of valleys and peaks – it is what makes life so interesting, ever-changing, unpredictable, wise and wonderful and always teaching us its lessons if we care to notice. I am grateful for the people I have in my life that have these values and I feel that I do my best to be the kind of person I describe. Perhaps one day by chance I will meet someone that is able to understand the meaning of a relationship even in a romantic setting – and then life will once again surprise and astound me.
I praise God for the lessons He teaches me and I ask that we all have the courage to be selfish in the right ways, with the ability to communicate, to be patient with the ones we love, to be kind to ourselves and not always critical because often we hurt the ones who love us in that self-centeredness, and mostly to not be short-sighted. To realize that love is something that gets stronger when it stands the tests thrown before it – when within it lies tenderness and kindness. Perhaps then I will look around me and see that all the wonderful friends I have will not feel so alone – for the disease of my generation is the loneliness they face – the difficulty of finding partners who are not self-centered or who realize that real values are more important than financial success (albeit this is a good thing too). But it takes more than nice cars and houses to build something real. Probably I am a romantic forever – but a house can burn down and a car can get stolen but true love is intangible to others outside of that relationship. It is in your hands to nurture and grow it and it is those two people who see on that wavelength than can truly create an exciting partnership for their future – because although it changes, its strength increases – I always love the verse in I Corinthians about love: - Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.
And so Peace and love to all and a genuine hope that you either have or will find this kind of love in your lives.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sonya today I discovered you, discovered your songs. They get inside, they come out but everything inside of me still vibrating as a secondary waves. your voice make me feel loved. I don't know by whom, but I just want to share my joy and my delight with anyone who will come across those lines I type. Don't speak about getting older, you look so tender, so special, so innocent, so nice. Shnorhakalutyun jana :) Mtacum em qo masin.

8:03 AM  
Blogger Sonya Varoujian said...

Thank you T.A....
thank you for your kind words. I am honoured to have inspired those emotions within you. You are loved - we are all loved. Bless you.

4:25 PM  

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