Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Thoughts, Mexico and San Diego

Staring out the window is a London-like gray day in Los Angeles today. Funny enough I don’t feel the heaviness of the gray as I look before me to the things I consistently discover and feel. I sit here playing with my new silver bracelet which holds sentimental value to me now. Now being the key word. Life is ever-changing, people are ever-changing, situations, feelings, circumstances, scenery… and now I realize the meaning of God being consistent. God always being there – God not changing. Though God is not tangible and I cannot wrap my arms around His feet so that I can thank Him (or Her as nature would more readily suggest), I realize the great comfort of consistency. There are very few consistent things in my life – the love of my parents, my love for music, and the fact that when I look up at the night sky Orion is always there for me – that puts a smile on my face. We are living in a time where we are being told it is okay to change all the time – but it makes me wonder if this also adds to the current state of loneliness. Should we have the ability to accept the differences in people and love them just the same? Why is it love changes at all? If it is what I interpret love to be – in that when I love someone it is their inside that I love more than their outside then what is it that changes when people tell you they cannot be there for you anymore? So my question is this….if God is Love…then why does Love change? Is it because it wasn’t love at all? That would be my guess although sometimes it amazes me at how people so readily open themselves up only to withdraw in fear or other psychological burdens that haunt their existence. What I have found is that people seem not to be able to accept unconditional, unearned love. For whatever reason, it seems they have to feel they worked hard for it, that it wasn’t available all the time. They don’t feel worthy of waking up in the morning, looking across the bed and saying “I am so happy that this person realizes that he/she deserves to and is wonderful enough to wake up next to me and vice versa despite the fact that I am not perfect” …

Mexico – Tijuana to be more precise was a wonderful little experience. Stalls and stalls of leather, silver, ceramics, little guitars, religious paraphernalia, paintings, ponchos and sombreros. Mariachi’s just about everywhere, little children running around and truly truly everything I envisioned Tijuana would be like. The people were warm and friendly and although it was a short stay I would like to return and take the drive to Baja to see the heart and soul of Mexico.

San Diego also hit home with me. I felt some sort of higher consciousness towards life down there. It seemed to me that people were more in touch with nature – hiking, biking, rollerblading, having bonfires on the beach and just enjoying life without the materialistic expectations that Los Angeles places upon you. In San Diego you can just about chill with anyone and discuss world politics, you can have breakfast the old fashioned way – something truly American that sometimes you find in a New York City diner. The characters and faces I came across all seemed to have a story and somehow I felt more connected to them. It had sort of a granola Burlington Vermont feel to it. I spent Sunday on a horse (Appaloosa) called Colorado and met my first person from New Mexico – a true cowboy, chewing tobacco, hat, spurs and the whole nine yards. I always thought they only existed in Western movies J Horseriding was peaceful and fun. It was a nice time to reflect on a lot of things once more and it is something I would love to go back to. Escaping my first experience with a mere scrape on my hand due to my horses sudden need to dive down and munch on grass under a tree (with which I became intimate with!), overall it was enjoyable riding through the canyon and being in natural surroundings as opposed to the concrete blocks in Los Angeles.

And so next on the agenda is that search for consistency – somehow, somewhere…starting with myself. Dedication is a powerful tool – and dedication towards anything makes the chances of success so much greater. Sometimes I wish people had as much passion and dedication for building relationships as they did for their careers but I find this not being the case so much. So – head down I will continue on my path until perhaps someone actually convinces me they understand where I am coming from!! Music, music, music,….writing, writing, writing, living, laughing, loving life, succeeding – its all there for me to entertain and so I will.

God Bless


Blogger Tatul said...

Remember Your old friends...
It can help....:)

1:36 PM  

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