Monday, February 12, 2007

A New Page

This blog is written not for those who expect any cheering up but maybe for those who don't mind me having a moment of reflection.....this afternoon at exactly 2:00pm I posted my petition for divorce. As I stood there in a busy rainy English High Street, I dropped the big white envelope down the slot and the tears came rolling down my eyes. I was there alone - at that moment in my life. Something so overwhelmingly emotional. I cannot describe what it feels like to go through this but I have been told it is similiar to losing a loved one in death. No matter how many ways I looked at the situation - I had not lost my husband - I had never had him it seems - which is the only way I can reason his abandonement of me, which is the only way I can explain his callous behaviour, which is the only way it becomes possible in my mind. How one human being who promises to love another can make these decisions.... not discuss them, seek advice, and run into the arms of the next easiest thing... It's a hard hard hard thing to go through and accept. I know many people would not put this information on a blog. It IS very personal perhaps - but I guess I am saying I am not ashamed because I know we are all human and it happens to the best of us. I wish more people had the courage to express themselves. Thanks for those who have been supportive and have reached out. Its like cancer - people are afraid to talk to me about it - but I appreciate those who have the courage to do so. God knows I need my friends and family. I know that God will allow me to heal through my music and time. I do hope the emotion manifests itself in my music and perhaps something positive will come out.
I spoke to my old friend Bernard today. He made light of the situation that life is a bunch of paperwork. You are born - you get a birth certificate, perhaps a baptism certificate, then school reports, degrees, bills, marriage certificates, house titles, perhaps divorce??? Its another piece of paper I've got to deal with is how he put it. And so, when all is done and dusted with this piece of paper, I suppose I've got a new piece of paper to look forward to? A fresh page, a new start, a new life, and best of all new experiences to look forward to. I'm off to see the Armenian Navy Band in Lyon in one month - now what could be better than that? :)
Peace and love
S

1 Comments:

Blogger Eduardo said...

This is fresh for you. It can be like a death. The time comes when its not like that at all anymore. Take heart.

There is sometimes joy and happiness waiting in the least expected places.

10:21 PM  

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